I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
is it fun? or sober?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
