trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
