You really coming over, don't trick.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
