I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
