I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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