You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
