mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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