you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
