I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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