So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
