I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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