I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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