dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
