toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
