I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
