ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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