The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
