I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
