What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
