I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
this boner is exhausting
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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