Jerry, you need to find god
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
