If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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