Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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