i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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