: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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