Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
