also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
