how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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