i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I smell stomach acid.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
