I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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