smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
