Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
