he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
