the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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