I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
