there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am available for nakedness
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You left your phone here
Wait...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
