he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
