You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
