I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
