No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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