This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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