Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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