Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
