When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
