just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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