Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
