She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
