just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
