After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
