Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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