its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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