At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
