Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
A bitchslap is in order.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
