i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
